Just because you and your partner have decided to end your relationship doesn’t mean it needs to be a nasty breakup. In fact, it’s possible to end a relationship gracefully and experience a mature breakup with respect and empathy.
We’re here to offer the best breakup advice as we address ways to approach healthy relationship endings. Follow along to learn more about recognizing that it’s time to break up, conducting the actual break up, handling your emotions, finding closure, and moving on.
Sometimes, there’s a big event that acts as the catalyst to your breakup, and other times, it’s a slow and steady burn that eventually breaks down your relationship. Whatever the case, it’s important to recognize when it’s time to move on.
There are some tell-tale signs that it’s time to break up. While every relationship is unique, the following are some signs that you should consider moving on:
Don’t make any rash decisions. Allow yourself time to reflect on your relationship and your goals for the future. Is there a slight hiccup in your relationship, or is this the last straw? Are you willing to work on your issues, or is this relationship a lost cause? Think about how this relationship makes you feel and how you want to feel in a relationship—are they one and the same?
Mull over your feelings, and if you still believe it’s time to end things, start preparing for the breakup conversation.
The breakup conversation is never easy, but there are respectful breakup steps you can take to make it go smoother. Follow along for our advice on how to communicate during a breakup.
While we recommend breaking up in person, it’s best to do it somewhere private. Dumping someone in front of an audience will only cause insult to injury, adding unnecessary drama and embarrassment to an already uncomfortable situation. Instead, find somewhere that is quiet and away from the public so that you can have a private discussion without any nosey onlookers.
Also, consider the timing. There may never be a perfect time to break the news, but you can be sensitive about when you decide to do it. For instance, ending the relationship right before going on vacation together or during a family gathering isn’t ideal. Instead, try to choose a time when they have the opportunity to be alone and process the news without having to deal with other stressors like canceling a trip or putting on a happy face around their relatives.
You don’t need to write and memorize a script, but thinking about what you want to say can help you stay focused and express your thoughts and feelings. It might help to journal or jot down a few notes so you can collect and organize your thoughts. Even just saying it out loud in front of the mirror may make it easier to convey when the time comes to it.
This exercise can also help you practice finding the right way to say things so that you come across as respectful and empathetic. Focus on your word choice, avoiding words and phrases that are harsh, aggressive, or accusatory.
Even if your relationship has taken a turn for the worse, remember that this person once held a special place in your heart, and they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, even during a breakup. No matter how ugly or toxic your relationship has gotten, try to come from a place of love when ending your relationship. Practice empathy and realize that it will likely be sad and difficult for both of you, even if it’s the right decision.
Be open, honest, and clear that you’re ending the relationship, and whatever you do, don’t beat around the bush. When breaking up, rip the bandaid off and be clear about your intentions. Avoid being wishy-washy, and don’t drag things out, as this could make it seem like ending things is not what you really want. Or worse, if you don’t communicate it clearly, you may find yourself having to break up with them a second time if you don’t get your message across the first time.
Your partner has valid feelings and a voice that deserves to be heard. Even if you disagree with their position, ending a breakup gracefully involves listening to their perspective. Give them space to respond without interrupting them, show compassion, and try to put yourself in their shoes.
Their thoughts, feelings, or opinions may not sway your decision to end things, but you owe it to them to hear them out.
Don’t point fingers and play the blame game. This is not the time nor place for hashing up old arguments or making them feel worse than they already do at this moment.
It’s essential to remain calm even if you’re annoyed, angry, or frustrated. If you allow yourself to get fired up, it will only escalate the situation. The goal is to end on amicable terms, but that won’t be possible if you’re both casting blame and rehashing old issues.
No matter how clean or messy your breakup was, you’ll feel a lot of stuff. Experiencing guilt, sadness, and anger are all common reactions, but it’s important to focus on processing and managing these emotions so you can heal and recover.
It’s natural to experience a wide range of emotions after ending a relationship. The key to handling emotions in a breakup is allowing yourself to feel them. Instead of just pushing them down and ignoring them, let them out. Scream, cry, or punch a pillow—whatever it takes to release them.
After allowing yourself time to sit with those emotions, focus on overcoming them. Consider journaling your thoughts and feelings, speaking with a close friend or therapist, and practicing self-care. Treat yourself kindly, focus on your health, and do things that bring you happiness, like volunteering or painting.
Even if you’re the one ending the relationship, that doesn’t mean it will be a walk in the park for you. During this time, journal, self-reflect, and engage in your favorite activities. Rediscover your passions, and do things that encourage you to express yourself, like dancing, painting, or throwing pottery.
Also, turn to your friends and family for support. Be open with them about your feelings and allow them to comfort you as you process your breakup. Now more than ever, it’s important to surround yourself with love to focus on healing, loving yourself, and moving on with your life.
Many of us strive for closure when ending a relationship, and oftentimes, we assume the person who does the breaking up owes the other closure. However, that’s not really the case. In fact, closure in relationships isn’t necessarily something that can be given.
The way we see it, you must find closure within yourself by reflecting, processing, and healing from your relationship. It’s a solo journey that requires time and patience.
Moving on after a breakup takes time. Give yourself permission to process your relationship, and don’t rush the healing process. This requires being comfortable on your own and alone—there’s no reason to communicate with your ex or jump into a new relationship. Spend this time rebuilding your relationship with yourself, practicing self-care, and relearning to love yourself.
The goal of a mature breakup is to find yourself in a happy and healthy position to move on and eventually find love again. As you begin to heal, reflect on your past relationship. Are there things you would have done differently? Were there red flags you missed or ignored? And what can you take away from that relationship and apply to your future relationships? Think about the pros and cons of your past relationship and determine ways to learn from your mistakes.
This is also the perfect opportunity to set new relationship goals, boundaries, expectations, and values.
When you’re ready for another shot at love, allow our professional matchmakers to help. At Tawkify, we’re the experts at making compatible matches.
Here at Tawkify, we’re committed to helping you find your forever partner. We take a personalized approach to matchmaking as we learn about your relationship goals and partner preferences, hand-select viable matches, and screen compatible matches before introducing them to you. With our matchmakers on your side, you’ll be one step closer to finding love. Contact us today and allow us to help you navigate your next relationship!
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