What is Chemistry in a Relationship?
The word “chemistry” is often thrown around when it comes to the modern dating world. Maybe you’re wondering if you felt chemistry after your first date, or perhaps you’re still unsure of what chemistry in a relationship even means.
In our guide, we’ll unpack everything you need to know about chemistry. We’ll define what chemistry is in a relationship, explain how you can recognize the signs of it, and discuss ways couples can build on it.
What is Chemistry in a Relationship?
Let’s start from the top. What is chemistry in a relationship? We define chemistry in a relationship as a connection between two people. It’s not exactly something you can put your finger on because it’s a rather intangible thing. It’s more of a feeling, or a knowing, that there is something present between you and another person.
For some, chemistry might feel like butterflies in their stomach, but for others, it could be like a profound sense of peace and comfort. Essentially, it’s a warm and fuzzy feeling shared between a couple that makes them feel in tune or in step with each other.
While you might be compatible with someone or enjoy spending time with them, that’s not the same as chemistry. Chemistry is that spark that takes the relationship up a notch’ one that goes from mutual interest to physical, sexual, and emotional attraction. It’s a mutual desire and intense feeling that makes you feel connected.
Ways to Recognize Relationship Chemistry
As you can tell, there isn’t exactly a firm definition of relationship chemistry. So, how do you know if you have chemistry with someone in that new dating phase? Though everyone is unique, we’ve listed some tell-tale signs to help you determine if you have chemistry as a couple.
1. Conversation Just Flows
You know how you have those friends that you haven’t seen in years, yet you can pick up where you left off like no time has passed? Well, chemistry feels similar, except this could be the first time you’re meeting!
When you have chemistry, you’ll notice that conversation flows naturally. You might find yourself deep in conversation. And when chemistry is present, you won’t feel awkward silences or struggle to come up with something to say.
2. You Immediately Feel Comfortable Around Each Other
A big part of chemistry between two people is a mutual feeling of being at ease. When there’s chemistry, you won’t feel self-conscious, awkward, or uncomfortable around the person. Instead, it’ll feel like you’re being wrapped in a warm blanket. You’ll feel confident, comfortable, safe, and secure around them, which lets your true self shine.
3. Physical Touch Feels Right
You might feel inclined to touch their arm while they’re talking or rub shoulders while laughing at their joke. What starts out as a graze here and there could quickly turn into a desire to interlock your fingers, play footsie, sit with your elbows touching, or wrap your arms around one another. You see, when there’s chemistry, you’ll find yourselves craving touch and wanting to be physically closer to each other. Of course, this physical attraction is also closely associated with sexual chemistry in a relationship.
4. You Share a Mutual Understanding
If you have chemistry, there’s a good chance you just get each other. Without explaining it or putting it into words, you simply click and understand where the other is coming from. When you share an emotional and intellectual connection, you’ll recognize and respect their wants, needs, and goals.
5. You Want to Be Around Each Other
If you have chemistry in your relationship, you’ll crave spending time together. It’ll feel exciting and interesting being around each other and doing mundane stuff together, like running errands, grocery shopping, or going to the laundromat. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing or where you are, it simply feels right being in each other’s company.
7. Eye Contact is Instant
Believe it or not, many people associate locking eyes and maintaining intense eye contact as a sign of chemistry. And when you think about it, there does seem to be some truth behind it. After all, they say your eyes are the windows into your soul, and allowing someone to see through you can be a vulnerable experience. However, if you feel at ease with your partner and mutually intrigued by them, then you’re likely more willing to expose those sides of yourself.
Now, why is relationship chemistry so important? Well, chemistry is not something that just disappears after time. The chemistry in your relationship is actually what helps support your growth as a couple. Think of it as the foundation on which you can build and intensify your connection, strengthen your bond, and enhance your relationship.
What’s more, chemistry isn’t just some fleeting feeling—it’s the desire and passion that continues to excite you. When you have chemistry, you’ll both feel compelled to get to know each other on a deeper level, spend more time together, and explore your relationship on a physical, emotional, intellectual, and sexual level. If you feel bored, uninterested, or disengaged, then there’s a good chance your relationship is lacking in the chemistry department.
That said, many experts believe you either have chemistry or not. You can’t fake it or will it happen, but that’s not to say you can’t improve and build on the chemistry you have previously experienced in your relationship. In fact, there are many ways you can help strengthen that connection.
Tips on How to Build Chemistry in a Relationship
Maybe you felt an initial spark of chemistry in your relationship, but you’re looking to kindle that spark into a full-on flame. The good news is that there are several ways you can foster it and improve your chemistry as a couple.
Assuming you’ve mutually experienced some of the above signs of chemistry, then these six tips will help couples build chemistry in their relationship to forge a healthy, thriving connection.
1. Ask Each Other Deep Questions
When getting to know a new potential partner, it can sometimes be a challenge to get past initial pleasantries. Asking a partner larger, open-ended questions about their dreams, goals, and views on life is a start. Even partners who have been together for a long time can learn something new about each other. The more you know about your partner, the more trust can be built. The right questions can allow individuals to discover more differences that can be complementary and exciting.
That said, the conversation shouldn’t be forced. If you feel like you’re playing 21 questions or interrogating your partner, then you’re missing the mark. Yes, meaningful questions are an important part of a deep conversation, but if you can’t get past fluffy topics and shallow answers, then you may want to reconsider whether you’re building upon non-existent chemistry.
2. Spend Time Apart
In the initial stages of a relationship, the chemistry in your relationship can make it tempting to spend many waking hours together. This is important as it helps build a foundation of trust and clear communication. However, taking a breather can also be important. If a spark is lacking when it was once there, spend time apart. Go see a friend for the day (or the weekend) and give each other space. In many cases, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
3. Role-Play a First Date
First encounters can be exciting. After all, that’s when you felt the first signs of the chemistry between the two of you. To reignite that initial spark, role-play a first date. What made you attracted to one another? What did you bond over? And what contributed to those initial flying sparks? Rekindling the mood of a first date can bring back initial feelings of attraction that can bloom into something new. The goal is to tap into those first-date feelings and explore how to recapture that sense of mystery, excitement, and desire.
4. Explore Beyond the Comfort Zone
A big part of relationship chemistry is that sense of comfort, but often, couples find a routine and stick to it. Additional rewards come, however, when exploring outside a normal comfort zone. By engaging in new activities, you can learn more about your partner and encounter occasions to explore uncharted emotions and share deeper feelings. Living new experiences together builds shared memories that can create a lasting connection.
5. Pay Attention to Body Language
Remember how important physical touch and eye contact is to sharing chemistry? According to Albert Mehrabian, a psychology professor at the University of California, up to 55% of human communication is non-verbal. To connect with your partner, pay attention to eye contact, hand gestures, and facial expressions, as body language sends a clear message. Lock eyes while your partner is talking to you, touch their arm to show your support, or drape your arm around their shoulder. You just be surprised at how something as simple as holding hands after a hiatus can make you instantly feel connected.
6. Schedule Time to Spend Together
When you initially started dating and your chemistry was on fire, it felt unbearable to spend time apart, but as time went on, life got busy. And fortunately, busy lives can draw couples apart. Therefore, spending time together is essential for chemistry to build and feelings to grow. If weekdays are particularly packed, set aside time on weekends to connect. Without enough time spent together, feelings of attraction can wither.
After all that, maybe you haven’t experienced chemistry in your relationships just yet. And that’s ok! But now that you have a better understanding of what it is, you’re sure to recognize it when you do.
