Revitalize Your Desire to Date In 3 Steps

Whether you’ve been single a week or ten years, the desire to date varies. Just the thought of jumping back into the dating world can feel scary, especially if a past relationship ended in distress.

If your lady cheated on you with her ‘work husband,’ trust may be a tall order. If your man ghosted you, being haunted by the ghost-of-boyfriend-past can be crippling for months. Unless we are betrothed at birth, most of us have to be inspired (and find a way to stay inspired), to continually date.

Through my work as a matchmaker, I’ve learned that dating serves many purposes.

Dating connects people — it helps us learn what is or is not right for our lives and how to navigate the unpredictable waters of romantic relationships. Inspiration to date plays a major role in how we navigate those waters. 

‘In spirit,’ inspiration means that something is moving you to take action. Inspiration is what makes you want to take that risk, to put in the time, to deal with disappointment, and to stay present even in the face of rejection. When you’re inspired to date, the exhilaration of connecting makes it all worth it — filling your cup and fueling success for future interactions. 

‘Love is not what you say. Love is what you do.’

So… What inspires you to act for love?

Many spiritual and religious beliefs center on inspiration — what vision, thought or feeling guides our actions and ultimately, the end result. For example, Buddhism teaches that nothing happens by chance. There is meaning behind every outcome and that meaning is rooted in inspiration — what moves you to make the choice, in this case, to actively search for love?

If you’re not sure how to answer this question, that’s OK! I’m here to walk you through it. Let’s revitalize your desire to date in 3 simple steps!

1. Define Your Cause

   What benefits will a successful dating life offer your life? I’m not talking about the obvious reasons to date… like combating loneliness, the need for companionship or emotional support. Instead, I’m talking about benefits that hold greater influence on your life and purpose — i.e. new friends, personal or professional connections, resources, perspectives, etc.

   Your cause might be the big things like marriage, family and building a legacy (these are the big ticket items), but also worth considering are the finer things… like watching the sunrise or having someone to cuddle as you fall asleep at night. While seemingly ‘small,’ these types of causes help us remain in-the-moment throughout the dating process. Journey before destination!

2. Consider Your Examples

   Did your parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles have solid relationships or marriages when you were growing up? Who in your life now is a good example of the type of relationship you desire?

   If you can think of examples, I recommending talking to those people directly about their relationships. Find out what inspired them. Understand what makes their relationships work in order to gain perspective for your own journey.

3. Clue Your Date In

   If you have a budding or active dating life, get into the habit of cluing your date in on what inspires you romantically and why. Share examples of relationships that inspire you. Discuss your cause (from step #1) and open the discussion enough to discover theirs.

   You might find that your date’s ’cause’ is similar to yours. You could also find they are different, which is valuable to you as well — hearing another person’s ’cause’ helps revitalize/pinpoint your own! This is a purpose driven conversation that creates real connections — and if the circumstances are right this connection may form the foundation of a strong bond down the road.

(In) The Spirit of Love,

Rémy Boyd