7 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Going on the Second Date
You just got home after a first date and now you’re wondering what happens next. Should you see this person again? How do you know if putting in the effort to plan a second date will pay off? We can’t tell you what to do, but we can suggest questions to ask yourself to know if you should go on a second date.
Let these questions guide you in understanding whether you should initiate a second date.
1. Did your date listen and show interest?
Making a good first impression isn’t rocket science. It can be as simple as listening to and showing interest in your date. Did your date do that for you? That’s one of the best questions to ask yourself after a first date. Someone who listens, even if it’s about a topic they’re not interested in, is showing respect—and respect is a crucial element in any relationship.
2. Did the conversation flow well?
A first date is a prime time to practice the art of communication. In other words, both people need to actively participate and share in the good ol’ give and take.
First-date communication is an art because there is a fine balance between talking but not talking over them, sharing but not oversharing, asking questions but not prying—you get the idea. But before you start overanalyzing your chit-chat, just think to yourself if the conversation felt natural and comfortable. If it felt one-sided, then that might be cause for concern.
Here are some conversation red flags:
- You divulged some personal details about your life, but your date refrained from sharing anything beyond surface-level info.
- Your date talked the entire time and never allowed you to get a word in edgewise.
- Your date didn’t speak unless spoken to and seemed to expect you to not only be the sole initiator of the conversation but also the one to keep it going.
Conversing with people, especially potential romantic partners, should be life-giving, not exhausting or leaving you feeling depleted. If your conversation gave you positive feelings, that’s one of the signs of a successful first date.
3. Were they positive or negative?
If you want to know how to get a second date, remember this: don’t go negative. Someone who seems jaded by the dating process, who focuses on all their problems, or who speaks about current or past relationships in a negative light just isn’t fun to be around.
For example, if your date talked a lot about their ex and mostly in an unfavorable way, first of all, that’s not a great thing to do on a first date, and second, that’s a clear indicator that they haven’t received closure. There is no timeline for getting over a past relationship, but bringing that into a potential new romantic endeavor is unhealthy and unfair.
So, should you go on a second date? If your date was generally pessimistic throughout your time together, it might not be in your best interest to see them again.
4. Was your date distracted?
Being distracted on a date is just a bad look. If your date checked their phone or watch frequently, seemed pressed for time, or kept looking at everyone and everything else except you, that’s a sign that they weren’t prioritizing your time together.
Of course, being distracted doesn’t necessarily mean that they weren’t into you; perhaps they were dealing with some personal issues or were just having an “off” day. It’s important to accept the humanity in people and recognize that you don’t know their story just yet. But planning a date brings with it intentionality, so if you don’t feel that they were invested, reach out and just ask.
If you plan a second date together, be aware of how they seem this time: distracted or invested? Other second date tips include maintaining eye contact, which shows that you’re focused on each other but is also a sign of chemistry.
5. Did you share things in common?
On first dates, you’re looking for signs of compatibility. Sharing things in common, like humor, interests and hobbies, and relationship values and goals, is a few of those signs.
Sharing similar humor is key because it can help couples get through life’s ups and downs. Now, having shared humor doesn’t mean you both have to be comedians, making each other laugh constantly. What it does mean is that you can both laugh about the same things or find humor in certain situations, which can be a sign that you’re compatible.
Did you share interests or hobbies? If so, you probably had a lot to talk about! Finding common ground in how you spend your time means that there is a foundation on which a potential relationship can stand.
Another crucial part of that foundation is aligning on relationship values and goals. While you might not become aware of these on the first date, you might be able to get a sense of where this person stands in terms of casual vs. serious dating, religion, future goals, and other potential deal-breakers. If you share values and goals, you probably should go on a second date to see if there might be a future together.
6. Did you feel comfortable being yourself?
It’s completely normal for first-date jitters to influence how someone comes across on a first date. After all, nerves have this uncanny way of tweaking little aspects of yourself. Perhaps nervousness makes you talk a lot, develop a “nervous” laugh, or become quieter than usual. First dates might not be the most comfortable situations in the world, but one thing is for certain: you should always feel comfortable enough to be yourself.
If, on your date, you felt confident in yourself, how you dressed, what you said and shared, your sense of humor, and so on, that’s a positive sign. On the other hand, if you felt judged or even outwardly criticized, don’t initiate a second date. Wait for someone who likes you for you.
7. Did you enjoy yourself?
One of the best ways to know if you should go on a second date is if you had a good time—it’s as simple as that. If you enjoyed yourself, that’s a great sign!
You’ve probably noticed here that we haven’t asked the question, “Did you feel a spark?” That’s because, contrary to many dating expectations, sometimes you don’t feel that romantic spark on a first date. It can take some time to ignite or even feel like a slow burn at times. The best questions to ask yourself after a first date are if you had a nice time and if you’re intrigued and want to explore this a bit more.
Even if you’re intrigued but still a bit unsure because they’re not your type, that’s ok. Remember that a second, or even a third, date can give you more clarity about if you should see this person again. Being undecided doesn’t have to mean no. In this case, according to Tawkify matchmaker Carolyn, do yourself a favor and go on the second date—you never know what will come of it!
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