Finding compatibility with a potential partner is key—but how do you pinpoint that alignment? Is it a feeling, like romantic chemistry, or are there certain aspects of a relationship that reveal whether it will be a successful one or not?
One piece of the compatibility pie involves dating deal-breakers. Learn what they are, how to identify your own, and what to do if the person you’re seeing doesn’t meet your deal-breakers.
Think about deal-breakers as non-negotiable relationship traits—the things you require from a partner in a romantic relationship. Deal-breakers are unique to every person and align with individual preferences.
Deal-breakers, no matter their level of significance, are important for choosing who to partner with. They serve as a set of guidelines in dating and can help you learn about and know yourself better.
Think about when you go to the grocery store. You usually don’t go without some sort of list or at least without knowing what types of foods you do and don’t like. The same is true for dating and selecting a future mate. While the dating journey is much more complex than throwing items in your shopping cart or deciding what’s for dinner, there are still decisions to be made—and that’s where your dating deal-breakers can help.
Individual people have individual deal-breakers, depending on the culture, family background, preferences, past relationships, and more. But there are some common deal-breakers:
Of course, there are many, many more types of deal-breakers, but these are just some of the basics that people look for in a potential partner.
As you’re reading this, you probably already have an idea of what your deal-breakers are—or at least the big ones. Identifying deal-breakers is an important part of your path to finding meaningful romantic relationships. Doing so not only helps you decide who is right for you but also gives you deeper insights into who you are and what you need to be fulfilled.
The first step in identifying deal-breakers is taking a trip down memory lane. Think back on past relationships and assess what went right and what needed improvement. Here are some questions to help you get started:
Taking stock of how you felt during your past relationships can help you determine which traits, values, and goals you’re willing (or not willing) to compromise on.
Next, think about the here and now as well as the future. What values do you live by, and what are the non-negotiables that you need a partner to have if they’re going to fit into your life? Your values and non-negotiables may be fairly obvious; in fact, you might not have to think about them very much. You just know that aligning on these specific values, traits, or perspectives is important to you in a relationship.
Sometimes, there are early relationship warning signs that might give you pause, whether they’re relationship red flags or specific deal-breakers.
Anyone who has been on a not-so-stellar first date knows the art of navigating first impressions. Some first-date deal-breakers are easy to spot; others may take awhile to appear. Generally speaking, the major red flags you’ll want to watch out for early on include treating others poorly, judging you or talking down to you, not respecting your boundaries, or always seeming distracted or not intentional about your time together. Although we reference these behaviors as red flags, they can (and should) also be deal-breakers for most types of relationships.
Aside from these general relationship red flags, make sure to also keep your specific deal-breakers in mind as you communicate with your new love interest. Remember that these might not be revealed to you on the first or second date, as it takes time to get to know someone.
Talk to your partner about the things you hold closest to your heart, whether you do this on the first date or the fifth. Make it clear that these goals, traits, or perspectives are non-negotiable. Chat through your differences together. Then, on your own, weigh whether these differences are make it or break it for a relationship. The more upfront you are about your deal-breakers, the less risk there is of future heartbreak.
It’s difficult to know when to keep trying in a relationship and when to call it quits. After all, every relationship—no matter how new—takes time and effort to develop. That’s why it’s important to understand what matters most to you, in terms of deal-breakers, to know if the best option is to stay or leave.
Just because your special someone doesn’t seem to fulfill one of your deal-breakers doesn’t necessarily mean you need to break it off right away—it doesn’t have to be one of the signs of a bad relationship.
This is a great opportunity to communicate your needs and learn more about where they stand. Perhaps they’re open to different perspectives on an issue that you care about. There may be room for compromise with your deal-breaker on your or your partner’s end, so it’s important to discover if that’s a possibility. If it’s not something you both can work through, you may begin to consider calling it quits.
Even if you notice early signs of compatibility, continue to evaluate it over time. While deal-breakers do contribute to relationship incompatibility, there are other factors as well, like the way you both handle and resolve conflicts, how “yourselves” you can be with each other, and how you show up for each other. Many of these factors often aren’t revealed until later on in a relationship, which is why it’s important to continually evaluate your compatibility as you share life experiences together.
If something isn’t right with the relationship and you feel that the best choice is to walk away, try to break up in a kind and respectful way. And be sure to seek the love and support from close friends and family, as ending a relationship can often take an emotional toll.
Identifying deal-breakers in people you date often takes time. But with Tawkify, matchmakers will work with you to understand your deal-breakers from the get-go to help narrow down compatible matches, saving you time and even potential future heartbreak.
This intentional, personalized process results in a refreshing approach to dating, where you’re presented with matches who are highly likely to meet your criteria, setting the stage for more meaningful and longer-lasting connections. Plus, all Tawkify clients have access to add on dating coaches, who offer relationship advice and help with avoiding relationship pitfalls. With a Tawkify matchmaker by your side, you can find a partner who aligns with your relationship goals and values.
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