While long-distance love might not be easy, it can help couples deepen their bond through strong communication and increased trust. But developing and maintaining love
across vast distances isn’t for everyone. Whether you’re currently in a long-distance relationship (LDR), contemplating one, or simply curious about the upsides and downsides, we’ve got you covered.
Let’s take a look at the challenges and benefits of navigating romance across miles and time zones.
It’s helpful to understand the challenges of LDRs so that you’re prepared for whatever comes your way.
With two people living separately, it’s only natural that feelings of loneliness might creep in. Being in a romantic relationship with someone often means that you want to be with them as much as possible—which can make not being around each other for long periods of time hurt even more. It can feel like you’re living two separate lives, where friends, family, and social lives rarely overlap. This can be quite challenging for couples in long-distance relationships.
But loneliness can also extend to physical intimacy. The less you’re together, the less you’re able to fulfill each other’s physical and sexual needs, which can cause tension and even resentment.
If your relationship is new, it might be difficult to trust the other person completely. You might develop feelings of insecurity if they don’t answer your call or text right away or if they seem distant when you do connect on the phone or on video. You also might have twinges of jealousy when they mention hanging out with other people. And even further, you might wonder if they’re serious enough about you to try to make this relationship work.
It’s easy to get caught up in the swirl of thoughts and questions in your mind because so much can go unsaid when you’re not in regular communication, leaving you to fill in the gaps. Plus, digital connections lack those valuable cues in body language, tone of voice, and more—all of which can help to give you a fuller picture of how your significant other is feeling.
Communication is hard enough with couples who live in the same city and even more so when you’re miles apart. When you’re long distance, you have to deal with different work and social schedules and possibly even different time zones. You can often feel like two ships passing in the night. This makes communication in LDRs particularly difficult, and the less contact you have, the harder it will be to emotionally connect.
While long-distance relationships have their fair share of challenges, they can also help couples grow stronger together and individually.
Your entire long-distance relationship is built on communication because that’s almost all that you can do. You have to learn how to communicate with your partner because you have a finite amount of time for conversation.
Another reason that you have to jump on the communication train quickly? You can’t rely on body language. Often, you’re only hearing each other’s voices or seeing each other from the shoulders up on video. Both of you learn effective communication from the get-go to help the relationship thrive. And because long-distance relationships naturally don’t involve as much physical intimacy, there is a ton of space for revealing each other’s innermost thoughts, fears, feelings, joys, and so on. While your physical needs might not be met on a daily basis, your emotional bond with your partner might blossom.
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, and in this case, it’s true. Because long-distance couples spend so much time apart, the time they do have together is extra special. Every moment feels sweet because you know that it will end eventually—whether that’s in a couple of hours or days.
A benefit that many long-distancers (yes, we just made up that term) appreciate is their independence. Both people can keep their preferred schedules without having to fit around their partner’s plans. You get more alone time, which some people need to recharge and reset, and you have more time to focus on your goals, whether that’s mastering a hobby, growing your career, or tending to family needs.
While missing your partner is definitely a challenge of long-distance relationships, learning independence can give each person confidence in themselves. This can ultimately help long-distance couples handle future separations (due to travel, a temporary job, and so on) more easily. If you can get the hang of a relationship that’s miles apart, you’ll be able to handle a couple days or weeks without each other.
But navigating long-distance challenges can also make you stronger as a couple. Many couples don’t encounter significant relationship difficulties until later on in their partnership, while long-distance couples deal with significant challenges from the very beginning. By strengthening communication, building trust in LDRs, and managing scheduling conflicts now, the better the chances of being able to handle future challenges together with ease.
Relationships take work, no matter how near or far you are. If you’re both willing to put in the effort to communicate, set goals, and plan visits, you’ll be on track for long-distance relationship success.
Maintaining long-distance relationships requires establishing communication routines to ensure that you’re emotionally connected and on the same page.
First, try to set expectations for how often you want (and are able) to talk to each other: via text, phone, and video. While texting allows people to connect intermittently throughout the day, you don’t want your relationship to turn into a textationship. While you might send texts every now and then, plan phone or video calls so that you can hear one another’s voice and pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues. Set a day and time each week that you’re both free for a standing call to prioritize communication.
For any long-distance couple that wants a serious relationship, communicating only via phone or video just won’t cut it over the long term. Of course, the farther you’re apart, the harder and more expensive it is to see each other, but planning in-person visits keeps the love alive and strengthens your physical and emotional bond. You’ll be able to experience your person on a more intimate level, from seeing how they act with their friends to noticing quirky-but-endearing mannerisms.
As the relationship grows, start setting goals for the future. Whether they’re small, like planning a trip together, or big, like starting the job search in the other partner’s town, shared goals help you both solidify trust in each other—that you’re ready to see where this goes or are ready to settle down.
It’s important to set your own goals, too. One of the best LDR survival tips is to keep yourself busy when you’re not together. Schedule after-work exercise classes or happy hours, socialize on the weekends, get a pet, or start a new hobby. Make sure that you’re living life to its fullest even though your partner isn’t there to share it with you daily.
When overcoming distance in relationships, couples need to be aware of common pitfalls—because when you’re aware, you can take steps to prevent future heartbreak.
Miscommunication is one of the clear indicators of a strained relationship. Why? Because without strong, respectful communication, there can be misunderstandings, hurt feelings, unresolved conflicts, blame, and even resentment—all of which can drive you apart (and we’re not talking geographically).
Make sure to voice concerns in a productive way (without the blame game), talk to each other with respect, practice active listening, and apologize when you make mistakes.
Try to anticipate any changes in schedules before hurt feelings from a missed phone call set in. Even though you may have set a clear communication routine with your partner, remember that life happens and not every weekly schedule is the same, so flexibility is key. Maybe your partner is dealing with car or house issues and has a lot on their plate. Perhaps you have family or friends visiting and are too busy to talk. Take a pulse on how you’re both doing each day or each week, as this can influence when you’re both available to chat.
And if there is a missed call, take steps toward understanding what you and your partner are going through each week before jumping to conclusions.
Sometimes you want to make something work that just isn’t working. This is an easy pitfall in many relationships because of all the time and effort you’ve put in—but especially in LDRs, where there are more car commutes, plane trips, and so on. But if the stress becomes overwhelming or if your goals don’t seem to align, you might be wondering if it’s time to break up. This isn’t an easy decision, but our guide on whether to keep trying or call it quits can help.
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